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The List

My Acworth Pad

  • the end
    This is how I roll...

That Darn Cat

  • the end
    just some random pictures of dextor... that darn cat... i promise you'll enjoy this...

Misc. Picts

  • Vicious Kitty Warning
    some good pictures that have no real home... or i'm just too lazy to give them one...

I'm a Family Guy

  • The End?
    A collection of stand alone family pictures... It's pretty complex to explain...

Texas Beer Friday 2005

  • Flag Down
    it was so good we had to do it again a year later... this time bigger... this time better...

Georgia Trip: Jan 2005

  • That's the end...
    put a native floridian in the middle of an ice storm and he'll freeze his native ass off... it's true...

Texas Trip: Oct. 2004

  • The End?
    texas, the final frontier. these are the voyages of the bored and hurricane blown native floridian.

Hurricane Season 2004

  • The End?
    four hurricane hit florida all in one year... and i just happen to be there for every one of them...

Texas Beer Friday 2004

  • The End
    1 week, 2,200 miles, 24-pack of shiner bock & lone star, some good friends, 1 crazy night!

Texas Trip: April 2004

  • The End?
    yeah, i'm off to texas to meet my niece, eleanor, for the very first time... yay!

Orlando Beer Fest 2004

  • Orlando Beer Festival
    it was a trip of a lifetime for 5 friends. we went for the beer and stayed despite all of the bad luck

Texas Trip: Oct. 2003

  • The End?
    it was a trip tp dispel demons & forge solace. 2500 miles, 10 tanks of gas, & 5 states.

Mom & Dad's Anniversary

  • Cake
    My mother and father's 30th anniversary

Georgia Flowers

  • Springtime Flowers
    Some of the flowers from around north Georgia.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

next on sick sad world...

next on sick, sad world: the malibu primate diet

it's 911 in the morning and 1-900 in the evening. the phone sex/e.m.s. dispatcher when sick, sad world returns.

they bake cookies by day, but they really heat up the night! g-string grandmas, today on sick, sad world.

what do those supreme court judges wear under their robes? declassified government polaroids, next on sick, sad world.

can monkeys surf the net... and corrupt our kids? chimpanzee chat rooms, next on sick, sad world.

guano see some gutsy climbing? scaling the world's tallest pile of seagull droppings, next on sick, sad world.

malibu's mopious millionaire, next on sick, sad world.

neo-natal skinheads, next on sick, sad world.

can renegade surgeons transplant your brain while you sleep? the frightening truth, next on sick, sad world.

one three-time hubby is not enough for this red hot mammal. the polygamous hippopotamus, when sick, sad world returns.

a nightmare story of an enchanted kiss gone horribly wrong, when sick, sad world returns.

when these ballerinas work out at the bar, they work out at the bar! tanked in a tutu when sick, sad world returns.

next on sick, sad world: hoax, or vision? some people in florida claim they've seen the face of jesus... on a penny!

death wore velvety green. homicidal house plants, next on sick, sad world.

meet the avant-garde obstetrician who's turned his castoffs into big-ticket artwork. umbilical cord sculpture, next on sick, sad world.

are microbes having sex in your drinking water? h-2-aooh! next, on sick, sad world.

he gave her his kidney. she gave him her heart. transplants and romance when sick, sad world continues.

when he turned up his nose at accordion lessons, they cut off his inheritance malto allegro. "the severed pianist," next on sick, sad world.

what does your foot odor say about your sexual prowess? sniffing for love, on the next sick, sad world.

the savior went down to georgia, tonight on sick, sad world.

what deadly new diseases can you pick up by sitting down? toilet seat terror next, on sick, sad world.

brought back from the grave by black magic, but no one taught them to cross at the green! the jaywalking dead, next on sick, sad world.

when aliens eat out, where do they relieve themselves? extraterrestrial restaurant restrooms, tonight on sick, sad world.

they broke into her bedroom. she burst into song! the inappropriate alto, tonight on sick, sad world!

is your toll collector wearing pants, a skirt, or nothing but a smile? cold breeze on the interstate, next on sick, sad world.

are bats sneaking into your neighborhood disguised as cute flying squirrels? rabid rodent rip-offs, tonight on sick, sad world!

meet the killer whale with a license to practice law. orca in the court, tonight on sick, sad world.

from outer space to in your face! aliens walk among us! a sick, sad world exclusive.

her amputee boyfriend was cheating so she stole his prosthesis, but he kept right on hopping into strange beds. the one-legged lothario next, on sick, sad world.

meet the cannibal with a heart... quick, before he eats it! next, on sick, sad world.

freeloading familial phantoms, next on sick, sad world.

would you moan my name... if i boinked you in heaven? ghost hookers in the sky, tonight on sick, sad world.

why are so many siamese twins being born in this bangkok hospital? "babes in thailand" tonight on sick, sad world.

is your cutlery holding an edge or going over one? "diary of a mad steak knife," tonight on sick, sad world.

can too many carrots make your head grow leaves? uh, what's that, doc?! in one hour, on sick, sad world!

can you teach an old dog to turn tricks? ruff! canine call girls, next on sick, sad world.

fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly, but not when you bake them both in a pie! sunday brunch in the loony bin, next on sick, sad world.

is there really a secret underwater railroad smuggling flounder to freedom? get on board the sole train, tonight on sick, sad world!

thomas jefferson. philosopher. inventor. president... and keeper of one saucy journal! the declaration of in my pants, tonight on sick, sad world

all he wanted, just once, was to eat at the table. but she had a hankering to howl. "shih tzu? i hardly know you!" next, on sick, sad world.

how shoddy fertility drugs are creating a new breed of gang and wreaking havoc with police lineups. "delinquent quintuplets," next on sick, sad world.

meet the psychic nazi hunter who says the fuhrer's been reincarnated... as a madcap leggy blonde! "there's something about hitler," tonight on sick, sad world.

what kind of sicko voyeur would set up a hidden camera in an intensive care unit? the peek-a-boo icu, next on sick, sad world.

this king of the jungle was one tubby tabby, until the animal plastic surgeon came to call. lipo for leo, next on sick, sad world.

it's quite a web sight when civil war buffs get in the buff! "www-dot-gettysbare," next on sick, sad world

what's more heartless than pilfering a roll of toilet paper? transforming it into a roll of twenties! the squeezably soft counterfeiter, next on sick, sad world.

meet the fly fishing pathologist who uses human organs as bait! 'a liver run's through it,' next on sick, sad world!

trouble travels by trike! under-age road rage, next on sick sad world

in this canine go-go bar, the specialty of the house is hot dog! lap dancing lap dogs next, on sick, sad world.

criminals, beware. this detective won't talk, but you will! mime and punishment, next on sick, sad world.

can anger management training really help gorillas avoid extinction? maybe, but it's not doing much for the psychiatrists! "the apes of wrath," today on sick, sad world!

they gave her a good-bye party at 65... miles per second! "retirement by rocket," next on sick, sad world.

are drug-crazed rodents raiding your child's medicine cabinet? "rats on ritalin," next on sick, sad world.

everyone hates the message board miscreant, but now you can do something about it! flame wars: the next generation, tonight on sick, sad world!

Saturday, May 27, 2006

this is the blog that never ends... it goes on and on my friends...

to help cut down on the number of posts (as if there's a post shortage or something), i'm just going to add to this all weekend... just random thoughts... quotes... etc... it probably would be best if you just check this monday...

"it's all stimulation, i like pleasure running through my brain... i'm just looking for the headrush, baby..."

in days of old when knights were bold and toilets weren't invented... they dropped their load upon the road and walked away contented...

"royal canadian mounted police. i first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture i've remained, attached as liaison with the canadian consulate."

"not the better half"

red top mountain is aptly named... although in some spots it is more orange than red, but beggers can't be chooser... i think by the end of the summer i will have been on every inch of those hiking trails... that and i will actually be able to run them...

"Siden jeg gik fra dig, Føles livet lang og hård, Men jeg tror jeg kommer mig, for tidlig jeg så.Jeg ved ikke hvor, Ved ikke hvordan, Men jeg håber kun at du en dag, Vil være hos mig igen. Nej, Jeg ved ikke hvor, Ved ikke hvordan,Men jeg håber kun at du en dag, Vil være hos mig igen."

"it's easy to find something worth dying for. do you have anything worth living for?"

i kid you not when i say that in the paper this morning i saw how martha crotchfelt and mark soft will be getting married... 'uh, yes... i'm here for the crotchfelt-soft wedding... that's right the crotchfelt-soft wedding.' man alive!

the more i think about it the more it pisses me off, but if i don't think about it now, when it comes up a wave of pure hatred will just be unleashed from within me... this is why i don't let a lot of people in... it prevents all this thinking...

"i beat my machine it's a part of me it's inside of me... i'm stuck in this dream it's changing me i am becoming... the me that you know had some second thoughts, he's covered with scabs and he is broken and sore... the me that you know doesn't come around much... that part of me isn't here anymore... all pain disappears it's the nature of my circuitry... drowns out all I hear there's no escape from this my new consciousness... that me that you know used to have feelings... but the blood has stopped pumping and he's left to decay... the me that you know is now made up of wires and even when i'm right with you I'm so far away... i can try to get away but ive strapped myself in... i can try to scratch away the sound in my ears... i can see it killing away all my bad parts... i don't want to listen but it's all too clear... hiding backwards inside of me i feel so unafraid... annie, hold a little tighter i might just slip away... it won't give up it wants me dead... goddamn this noise inside my head..."

mr. o'neill: i figured you're be dealing with it. you probably think about the dark side all the time.
daria: the dark side? are we talking about "the force"?
mr. o'neill: yes, i'm sure you're dealing with it... i'm not dealing with it! (starts to cry)
daria: (awkwardly) there. there.

"with your feet on the air and your head on the ground... try this trick and spin it, yeah... tour head'll collapse if there's nothing in it and then you'll ask yourself... where is my mind?"

"our home forever is, outer space... black stars and endless seas, outer space... you hold your destinies, outer space... forever we'll be in outer space, outer space..."

tom tucker: in local news we have more on the approach of hurricane rupaul.. which is working his or her way up the coast, lets go live to ollie williams with the blacky weather report , ollie?
ollie williams: it's raining sideways!
tom tucker: sounds rough ollie, you have an umbrella?
ollie williams: had one!
tom tucker: where is it?
ollie williams: inside out , 2 miles away!
tom tucker: is there anything we can do for you?
ollie williams: bring me some soup...
tom tucker: what kind?
ollie williams: chunky!!!

i went bowling last night with a couple of friends... i bowled the best i ever had... broke 100 three out of the five games... not bad for not playing in a while... not bad for playing completely drunk... man, my hand really hurts today...

"I cant forget you, but i remember... turn my head... turn my head... its aimed at you..."

"tony robbins hungry!"

i don't care what anyone else thinks, i like tatu... and not just because they are very hot pixie and red head lesbians... although, that doesn't hurt...

jo: hey, mrs. garrett, can i ask you something?
mrs. garrett: what is it, jo?
jo: is it a problem if your penis and your vagina touch each other?
mrs. garrett: whaaaaat?
jo: well, i try to keep them separated, but i woke up this morning and they were sort of...together. i just didn't know...is that okay?
mrs. garrett: you have both?
jo: well, yeah. doesn't everybody?
mrs. garrett: nooooooooo!

we're talking away i don't know what, what to say... i'll say it anyway today's another day to find you shying away... i'll be coming for your love, ok? take on me, take me on i'll be gone in a day or two so needless to say, i'm odds and ends, but that's me stumbling away slowly learning that life is ok say after me, it's no better to be safe than sorry take on me, take me on i'll be gone in a day or two oh the things that you say is it live or just to play my worries away you're all the things i've got to remember you're shying away i'll be coming for you anyway take on me, take me on i'll be gone in a day or two

well, if nice guys finish last... baby... i'm training for that marathon... and when that race is run... i'll meet you at the finish line... because i'll be leaving you and everyone else behind...

sometimes when i click on some girl's picture to go see all their pictures, i accidently click on their breasts and feel dirty because i've felt them up in cyber space... the guilt is just too much...

"its just as easy to rip a piece off... ill write all your lies off... and i dont really care what you wear on your sleeve... did you really think... (that you had hidden the pillow)... that covered the weapon... (the knife that cut?)... im still in hiding... (and youre still kidding yourself.)"

i notice that every saturday on my way to work that v-98 plays that elton john/kiki dee duet, 'don't go breaking my heart.' it's always on at the same time... not to say it's a bad thing... just that it seems like it's my opening theme song to the saturday episode of my sitcom

"didnt want to lose you once again... didnt want to be your friend... fulfill a promise made of tears... and crawled back to you... now i'm all by myself... as i've always felt... and i'll betray myself... to anyone, anyone but you"

"what's wrong with you? what you screamin' for? every 5 minutes there's somethin', a bomb or somethin'. i'm leavin'. bzzzz."

"the waiting drove me mad... you're finally here and i'm a mess. i take your entrance back - Can't let you roam inside my head. i don't want to take what you can give i would rather starve than eat your bread. i would rather run but I can't walk guess i'll lie alone just like before."

sometimes i feel like i'm being stalked by the daleks, but then i realize, i just don't have the hearts to be a timelord...

"well my friend sweet jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak english there, so jay got into a fight and he's all, "hey quit hasslin' me cuz' i don't speak french" or whatever! and then the guy said something in paris talk, and i'm like, "just back off!" and they're all, "get out!" and we're like, "make me!" it was cool."

"there's a tear in the fabric of your favorite dress... and i'm sneaking glances... looking for the patterns in static... they start to make sense the longer i'm at it"

"yeah, well it's no toyota rav 4"

"i am grey. i stand between the candle and the star. we are grey. we stand between the darkness and the light."

my top eight is completely random... doesn't mean anything... and is not an indication of your social standing with me... for that you would need to see my cell phone to see if you have a special icon and are part of my vip list... but since i only let my roommate use my phone, that's not going to happen, buster...

"things could be so different now... it used to be so civilised... you will always wonder how... it could have been if you'd only lied... it's too late to change events... it's time to face the consequence... for delivering the proof... in the policy of truth... never again is what you swore... the time before... never again is what you swore... the time before"

"Understanding is a three-edged sword."

even the most disgusting water tastes much better when you are thirty... the worst tasting water is usually the water that you drink right after you've eaten something nasty... the best water is either in austin or a natural bridge caverns... either way, it's texas, baby!

"can we get kinky tonight? like coco, so-so you don't wanna play with my Yo-Yo i smoke my hydro on the dee-low... i can't stand the rain! (uh-huh, uh-huh)... against my window..."

"mankind, probably the most mysterious species on our planet. a mystery of open questions. Who are we? where do we come from? where are we going? how do we know what we believe to know? why do we believe anything at all? innumerable questions looking for an answer, an answer which will raise the next question and the following answer will raise a following question and so on and so forth. but in the end, isn't it always the same question and always the same answer?"

i'm not too much interested in loosing weight... no, that makes it sound like i need to file paper work to get it back... that i need to check the lost and found box for those pounds... put up posters in the neighborhood asking where my poor, little, precious weight has gone... no, i'm not loosing weight, i'm getting rid of it... and it ain't coming back... ever again... (besides, the folks at mcdonalds would call up and be like... 'you left it here, you can pick it up anytime... just drive to the next window, bitch!')

"i'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. i want to look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this. [waves]"

"why do you come here? and why do you hang around? i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry... why do you come here when you know it makes things hard for me? when you know, oh why do you come? why do you telephone ? and send me silly notes? i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry... why do you come here when you know it makes things hard for me? when you know, oh Why do you come? you had to sneak into my room 'just' to read my diary... it was just to see, just to see all the things you knew i'd written about you... oh, so many illustrations oh, but i'm so very sickened... oh, i am so sickened now... oh, it was a good lay, good lay... it was a good lay, good lay... it was a good lay, good lay... oh..."

"i got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell."

i was watching this show about the string theory and was going, 'wow... i really get this...' i watched it again, but this time sober and thought, 'wow... i really get this...'

"sometimes i doubt your commitment to sparkle motion."

"you'd better hope and pray that you make it safe back to your own world... you'd better hope and pray that you wake one day in your own world... cause when you sleep at night they don't hear your cries in your own world... only time will tell if you can break the spell back in your own world..."

"now as i rest my feet by this fire those hands once warmed here, but i have retired them. i can breathe my own air and i can sleep more soundly Upon these poor souls, i'll build heaven and call it home."

"so brown eyes i hold you near, 'cause you're the only song i want to hear, a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere..."

"hey where did we go, days when the rain came. down in the hollow, playin' a new game.

laughin' and a runnin', hey hey, skippin' and a jumpin' in the misty mornin' fog with our hearts a thumpin' at you, the brown-eyed girl... you're my brown-eyed girl..."

the worst feeling in the world is to feel hungry when you have already eaten... especially when you are really full...

"life... mysterious life... we're moving around, dancing the rhythm of life... time... mysterious time... we're counting the hours and days to the end of all time... and we're feeling the change and we don't know why...choose one direction just one more time... don't say i'm thinking too much if you see what's behind... and these are mysterious times... mysterious times... no trick of the mind... for this moment i feel like we live in mysterious times... if you see what's behind, these are mysterious times..."

"feeling bad... not feeling worse... good."

when you leave someone, you might think you will only need an overnight bag or just a small suitcase, but sometimes you need a steamtrunk...

i don't get laguna beach... it's appeal... i mean, is it like crack for the eyes and brain? you watch it... it makes you feel really good that you aren't some vapid little blonde haired hussie who only cares about boys and looking good... beyotch puhlease... give the fucking history channel any day of the over crappy assed stuff they put on mtv now... remember when they used to play music... i do... i was watching then... remote control... hell yeah! the 'real world' san fran. was the last good show on there... well, except for that 'your mama' show... that's pretty damn funny... the rest is vapid... void of any reasonable substance... it's like drinking a diet caffine free coke... you might as well just drink water... because you aren't getting anything out of it... least bit taste... and don't get me started on vh1...

"heaven holds a sense of wonder and i wanted to believe that i'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides... in this white wave i am sinking in this silence... in this white wave in this silence i believe..."

my right hand hurts a lot from when i went bowling on friday night, not from masturbating too much... besides, you can never masturbate too much...

"do you ever question your life? do you ever wonder why? do you ever see in your dreams all the castles in the sky? oh tell me why do we build castles in the sky... oh tell me why all the castles way up high... please tell me why do we build castles in the sky... oh tell me why all the castles way up high..."

never watch wolf creek... no really... just don't do it... otherwise, i'm going to think that you are a sick sadomasocistic person... it's true... you probably are... i bet you want to watch it now... i bet you like to see people get cut up... you are part of the 'hostile' fan club i bet... damn, you are one sick motherfucker

"baby' got an atom bomb, a mother fuckin' atom bomb, twenty two maga tonne, i ain't ever seen so much fun, baby got a poison gas, baby got a heart attack, baby got a pain on tap, baby gimme some of that, baby got a satellite, baby got second sight, baby got a master plan, a foolproof masterplan, baby got purple hair, baby got a secret lair, baby got an army there, i ain't ever seen baby scared. baby got a nobel prize, given for the perfect crime, baby got an alibi, baby got eight more lives, baby got a crystal ball, baby doesn't care at all, baby's having too much fun, she's got a shit kickin' mother fuckin' atom bomb. baby got a fleet at sea, and a submarine called emergency, she got a motorcade, she got a monorail, going coat to coast on a campaign trail, playing deck of cards in an armoured car, she got a kung fu star as a body guard, she got a juju charm, she got a magic spell, she got a genie, all three is working well, she got a t.v. show, she got a shopping mall, she got a miracle, she doesn't want at all, she got a monument and at a great expense, she got a head of state and a president, she got destiny, she got supremacy, she got everything from a - z, she got it all down tight, she got nothing wrong, she got the whole wide world singing baby's song"

"one time, okay, see, one time randy beaman's mom had a dream that she ate a *big* marshmallow, and it was really good, and she-and when she woke up her pillow was gone, 'cause she ate it! 'kay, bye!"

i'm the one i've been here for you all along i'm the one who's shoulder you've been crying on nice guys finish last no one knows as good as me. we're just good friends and you come to me for sympathy you tell me that i'm not your type still you call me late at night, everytime he picks a fight after all he's said and all he's done i'm the one i've been here for you all along i'm the one who's shoulder you've been crying on"

last january when i was visiting atlanta, keith and i went up to ashville for the day... on the way, we passed through jahblowmee county... and passed through haywood county... and a few hours later ended up in asheville... on the way back we cross the haywood-jahblowmee county line... hand-to-god on this one... he also got a speeding ticket and we saw a par of balls hanging from the back of a pickup truck...

"he was a "rock and roll messiah," she was known for her childcare. the truth is gonna give up the world, if you can give up the stage..."

"i'm stressed but you're freestyle. i'm overworked but i'm undersexed. i must be made of concrete. i sign my name across your chest. give out the same old answers. i trot them out for the relatives. company tried and tested. i use the ones that i love the best. like an animal you're moving over me... like an animal you're moving over me. when did i get perverted. i can't remember your name. i'm growing introverted. you touch my hand and it's not the same. this was so unexpected. i never thought i'd get caught. play boomerang with your demons. shoot to kill and you'll pop them off. bang! bang! like an animal you're moving over me. like an animal you're moving over me. you should be sleeping my lover tell me what you're dreaming of... you should be sleeping my lover tell me what you're dreaming of... you should be sleeping my lover tell me what you're dreaming of... you should be sleeping my lover tell me what you're dreaming of... i knew you were mine for the taking... i knew you were mine for the taking... i knew you were mine for the taking... when i walked in the room... i knew you were mine for the taking... i knew you were mine for the taking... your eyes light up when i walk in the room... a hammering in my head don't stop from the bullet train from Tokyo to los angeles... i'm leaving you behind, a flash in the pan, a storm in a teacup, a needle in a haystack, a prize for the winning, a dead for the raising, a catch for the chasing, a jewel for the choosing, a man for the making in this blistering heat... sweat it all out... sweat it all out... with your bedroom eyes and your baby pouts... sweat it all out... in our electric storms and our shifting sands... our candy jars and our sticky hands... sweat it all out... sweat it all out... sweat it all out... sweat it all out... sweat it all out... sweat it all out... don't forget what I wrote you then... and don't forget what I told you then... and don't forget i that meant to win... and don't forget your ventolin... so a hammering in my head don't stop in the bullet train from tokyo to los angeles"

what's really sad is all the above phrases is a quick sample of some of the pop culture references that flood through my brain on a daily basis... scary i know... geting inside my brain even for an instant... 'let me out! let me out!'

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

random quote

'total slaughter, total slaughter. i won't leave a single man alive. la de da de die, genocide. la de da de dud, an ocean of blood. let's begin the killing time.' - vash the stampede

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

random flcl quote

"when you're in a town like this all covered with smoke, you forget that there's a world outside. nothing amazing happens here. and you get used to that, used to a world where everything is ordinary. every day we spend here is like a whole lifetime of dying slowly. but now Haruko is here. that's how i know there really is a world outside." - naota from flcl

Saturday, December 17, 2005

random family guy quote

"attention restaurant customers: testicles. that is all." - peter

Sunday, September 25, 2005

my boss trying to be funny...

It is with great jubilation sadness that I announce the resignation of Travis Maurer. He's moving up in the world and taking an Assignment Editor position at WXIA in Atlanta. While the overworked mailserver will not miss Travis, he's always been a team player and grown tremendously from the time he came here as a wide-eyed Charlotte County kid.
Wish him luck as he heads off into this new phase of his career.
Matt
PS - You can take the boy out of Charlotte County, but you can't take the Charlotte County out of the boy. I don't know if that's good or bad.

Friday, September 16, 2005

quote: forrest gump 09/16/05

"i'm sorry i ruined your new year's eve party, lieutenant dan. she tasted like cigarettes." -- forrest gump

Thursday, September 15, 2005

quote: forrest gump 09/15/05

"we were like peas and carrots" -- forrest gump

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

quote: forrest gump 09/14/05

i'm sorry i had to fight in the middle of your black panther party." -- forrest gump

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

quote: forrest gump 09/13/05

"sometimes, i guess there's just not enough rocks." -- forrest gump